Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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