I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
