It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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