After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
