I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
