Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
