You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
