What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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