that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
