i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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