Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
