When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
