Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
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