Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
