Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
