Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I looked at my own cervix.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
