im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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