its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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