wanna go halves on a baby?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
