If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
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