Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
