Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
