my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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