He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
