my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
