there's paper in my vomit.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
