the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Randomize
