sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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