I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
