Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I need a burrito and a hug.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
