I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
