Your face is a jimmy john
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
