Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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