so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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