i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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