Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
