So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
