I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
