So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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