just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
a search helicopter?!
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
