Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
