I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
porn star boner night. come get it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
