Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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