I heard we made out
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
