singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
