Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
