Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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