im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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