So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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