I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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