So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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