i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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