I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
