I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Alive.
So much puke
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
