You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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