it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
